How to advise your audience without wagging your finger at them?

August 26, 2025

Steer professionals and companies the right way by acknowledging their expertise, then asking them to stretch a little – and not totally pivot.

By Mickey Alam Khan

That’s a temptation that comes close to Eve’s dangling the apple at Adam.

As a veteran of numerous conferences – as attendee, speaker and host – I find that, increasingly, we’re recipients of this message from the podium: What you’re doing is wrong, what I’ve done is right, do what I did, and you’re on the road to success – like me. Am I being glib? Not entirely, but that’s the net import of the message from most gurus, experts and consultants.

I have to resist that temptation myself. But it’s reached a point where everywhere I turn, online or in-person, I see variants of this same message. Maybe it’s desperation to generate new business. Maybe it’s putting to practice Microsoft’s old formula for selling – the FUD theory, or sowing Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt.

You turn?
There are no easy or quick fixes in life and business. Success is a combination of timing, resources, market need and luck. It’s not due to all who try. Life is not fair. You play the hand you’re dealt. And then you share some of your learnings with the appropriate level of humility and tact.

We live in an era of constant self-improvement – or at least the message calls for that via the hundreds of books and thousands of articles and videos churning out each year on how to become a better version of you.

Here’s what I’ve learned in life. It’s hard to do a 180-degree pivot after putting years of sweat and toil. We’re creatures of habit. There’s no such a thing as a complete turnaround. Gurus preach that message and give us false hope.

I’m a firm believer in incremental improvement. The Japanese call that process “kaizen.” Toyota, the world’s leading automaker, has institutionalized kaizen throughout the company. While the improvements may not be radical to outsiders, it all builds up over time to consistently deliver a quality product with high standards that meets customer expectations.

The industries that I swim in – real estate, luxury goods and services, media, events and research – face nonstop disruption and change from technology, regulation and competition. The professionals who people those businesses are veterans with plenty of experience behind them. Without a doubt they need regular upskilling. Yet, to wag your finger at them is condescending at best, talking down at worst.

MY APPROACH is to steer professionals and companies the right way by acknowledging their expertise, then asking them to stretch a little – and not totally pivot. You work with them without creating work for them. That way, you get their buy-in and lock in their interest to self-improve.

It’s a delicate balance, but I go for incremental upskilling in my efforts, whether as a trainer or host of conferences. Metaphorically, incremental upskilling is viewed as a treat and not a whole meal. As we all know, we’re always in the mood for a treat because it requires so little of us but leaves us acknowledged and celebrated. That is what you want your audience to feel the next time you prep them for change.

What is the outlook for the worlds of luxury real estate and design? How are leading luxury brands such as Rolls-Royce Motor Cars and Tiffany engaging with their HNW and UHNW audiences in this market? Check out the agenda for Luxury Roundtable's prestigious Luxury Real Estate and Design Summit in New York on Thursday, Sept. 25. We have 30 speakers from leading brands in the space laying out the terrain for us. Join us!

Mickey ALAM KHAN is CEO of events producer and networking platform Luxury Roundtable and marketing and upskilling agency Luxboro. Reach him at [email protected].

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